What thoughts are going through my head at 4:30am in the morning?-----"remember to pay the insurance bill today, it was due yesterday'; 'what am I going to feed Brayden (my grandson and best baby in the WORLD) for breakfast this morning, I don't have any eggs'; 'I need to sort through all the vintage clothes I just bought on Friday and get them ready to post in my new internet shop---www.mykitschycloset.etsy.com'; 'can I stay in my pajama's all morning or will I have to get dressed at some point--I don't want to get dressed or go anywhere today!'; and my all-time favorite----'can I go back to sleep or should I just get up and get on with life?!?' What---you were expecting me to have REALLY deep, earth-shattering thoughts? Nah, not at 4:30am in the morning!!!!
But seriously, I have found myself thinking more and more about my life, past, present and future, and I have been concerned with what I've found. I think all this is probably brought on because I will be having a "BIG" birthday in a few months----the big 6-0!!! Just typing it makes me shutter-uugghhh!! Anyway, I've started to wonder what my life would have been like if I had made 'different' decisions in my younger days. Maybe not have married so young or started a family so soon. Perhaps if I had stayed in college and become a graphic designer as I had planned. Or perhaps me and my best friend at that time, Jackie, would have traveled to foreign lands to absorb all we could of their artist cultures. Or even have done some missionary work here in the states or overseas--perhaps. But dwelling on 'what could have been' does no one any good!
And then I begin to see the faces of my children, I see then as the little ones they once were and remember the precious adults they have become. I remember all the pain and illness my mom has gone through the past few years and I cherish every moment I still have with her. I feel the warm breathe of my grandson Brayden as he falls asleep on my shoulder, his sweet body cuddled in my arms, and I realize........I am blessed.
There is a wonderful scripture in Psalms 90--"Teach us to make the most of our time....and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!" (NLT) I believe that's what everyone wants in life, no matter your religion, no matter your nationality, no matter your race, political leanings or life-preferences. We all just want to matter, to have our efforts in life be successful!!
And although success can be measured differently by different standards, in my own eyes I am successful! Was this the life I planned for myself so many years ago--definitely NOT!! But is this the life, with all it's struggles and hardships and pains, that is making me the person God intended me to be----absolutely!!
And so this early morning 'thought session' becomes a time to thank my Heavenly Father for all that I have and all that I will become. I'm not were I need to be but I'm on my way, and that's ok!! And so I leave you with a few pictures to enjoy and I pray you are blessed as I have been blessed.......
Brayden showing me his banana--cheeky fellow!!
My son Jonathan and I at the beach
Brayden and I visiting my mom at the nursing home
My daughter Brittany (Brayden's mom) and momma
My grandson Tyler age 7 (Jonathan's son) who lives in Michigan--we haven't seen him since he was 3 yrs old
Pat, A Remade Life